FB in Relationships

FacebookRelationships
Photo by Erick Torres, taken from "It's not You, It's Facebook...". Ten 57 Magazine. http://www.ten57mag.com/2012/03/08/facebook-relationships/ on Monday May the 4th, at 12:53.

It comes a point in our relationships where Facebook is determining, like if not having a relationship status really means not having a relationship in reality or not admitting it… maybe there are just persons who like to keep things private or among their closest people; or like still having pictures with/from your past couples.

One alleges that there should be a relationship status in order to have certainty, that there should be no past-love pictures, for they generate uncomfortable feelings; the other one affirms that it is not that important, for it is all over, for it is just FB.

We could say to the first ones that true, we may feel jealousy of our couple’s past, of what they did with whom before with us -for instance a kiss or sex, for setting a radical example-, and that disturbs us. But the point it that it is not the picture the problem per se, but what it evokes, and what hurts is having a “daily” reminder in our couple’s FB profile. Guess what? Those past relationships are part of our couple’s real profile, of who that person is nowadays, like it or not. Feeling uncomfortable with it is like feeling uncomfortable with your couple as he or she is. What bigger reminder of what a person has been if not that person itself? True, having past-love pictures in our profile may feel like having your ex-couple’s pictures -whether girlfriend, boyfriend, wife or husband- hanging on the room where your actual couple sleeps and lives as well. Is having ex’s pictures in FB is really as bad as having ex’s pictures hanging on your room? Is really FB’s reality like real reality?

To the second ones we could say that true, it is already part of the past, and one keeps them wether as a nice reminder, as part of one’s constituency, as respect of the place he or she had in one’s life, or as a sign of maturity. But is it really that bad to delete them from your profile? Does that really means to delete them from who you are? Is it like our couple demanded to burn all the past things we have -letters, drawings, gifts, etc.?

Who is right? Who is wrong? Nobody and everybody. The truth is simpler than that: both are deviated, misleading. Both confer to Facebook a superior status, both overvalue what virtually Facebook represents in reality. Having pictures of past-loves does not imply that one still loves them, that one has not overcome the past (in fact, it may imply the opposite); and deleting them does not imply to really eliminate or deny these persons as part of our lives (in fact, this may also imply the opposite).

Facebook is not harming our relationships. We, thought our deviation, harm our relationships. Facebook is just the tool. It has no real power over our relationship. Yes, it has the power to weaken our privacy, not to break it. Facebook only shows the fragments with no context. It is up to us to make something out of them.

By Ulises Bobadilla y Jiménez

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