Some nature of love

In love one must deliver oneself, give out everything. But this encloses a paradox with excess. Who gives out his/her life becomes dependent by extinguishing oneself and, therefore, the relationship.

In Spanish exists the word desvivirse, literally to un-live oneself. In German is the word aufopfern, literally to sacrifice or burn oneself. That is the understanding of love, commonly alluded by giving out one’s life. “I gave you my life”. That might be the issue. The proper action would be to share one’s own life with the other, but never to hand it over, for handing it over leads into excess, and this excess into imbalance. Who gives out everything demands everything in return. Give and Demand are naturally not reciprocal. Who delivers it all turns into caprice.

But what can be handed over, when everything was already handed over? That person is now dependent, and in dependence one cannot control the sentimental outcome. Insecurity takes over: jealousy, scrutinising conversations, password requests, etc. Furthermore, that’s the moment when love demands materialise : “love me”, “promise me you will always love me”, “promise you’ll never leave me”. This things should stay implicit. On cannot simply demand this promises; one cannot simply promise it. It somehow seems as a person unable to love itself, acting with few respect for one self and the people around him. Its frightening to be before someone who delivers it all.

I exist before any relationship. I exist, you exist, therefore we are. The initial ego enables to share the relationship. No “I”: no share. Relationships are among equal  (not one, but two). Giving everything is a setback towards a relationship among one and only one: it means subjugating one self to the relationship, but overdemanding. Unbalance.

Two are required to start a relationship. It takes only one to conclude it. Is that really so? Not at all. He who decides to en a relationship must do it with professionalism, leading the other through duel. Indispensable is to mourn together, cry together, hug each other.

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